Raising Body Confident Kids: A Body Neutrality Approach for Parents
Our kids are always watching and listening. The way we talk about our bodies, and other people’s bodies, quietly shapes how children learn to see themselves. When they hear us criticize a “squishy belly,” talk about needing to lose weight, or judge another person’s size, those messages can slowly become their own inner voice.
In my work with families, I have met many adults who still carry the impact of the messages they heard about bodies growing up. I have met people in their seventies and eighties who are still trying to lose weight, often aiming for a number they have not seen in thirty years. Some have celebrated weight loss after cancer treatment because they had spent a lifetime receiving weight-stigmatizing comments from others. Those comments were painful and harmful, affecting both mental and physical health.
Others began dieting as teenagers and, now in middle age, continue to chase a certain number, hoping it will finally bring happiness. In some relationships, a spouse might pinch their partner’s belly and ask, “Do you really need more dessert?” Some remember being praised for shrinking their bodies, even when it brought discomfort, fear, or shame.
Over time, experiences like these can create deep weight stigma trauma. Many people are left unsure how to feel safe in their bodies or how to nourish themselves in ways that feel supportive and kind.
What Body Neutrality Really Means
Body neutrality is an approach that encourages us to relate to our bodies with respect, curiosity, and care. It shifts attention toward how our bodies support us, how they feel, and what they allow us to experience.
Body neutrality invites children to notice their body’s signals, treat their bodies gently, and understand that their worth comes from who they are, not how they look. When families practice body neutrality, the goal becomes caring for the bodies we have, appreciating what they do, and allowing space for them to change throughout life.
What Body Neutrality Teaches Children
Body neutrality helps children understand that:
bodies come in many shapes and sizes
bodies naturally change as we grow and age
health cannot be judged by appearance alone
our bodies allow us to move, think, rest, play, and connect
A simple message becomes powerful when it is lived and repeated:
“Your body is part of you. It deserves respect and care.”
Children who grow up with this message begin to build body trust. They learn to see their bodies as companions rather than problems to manage.
How Parents Can Talk About Bodies Differently
Many parents grew up surrounded by dieting talk, comparison, and body criticism. Without realizing it, those patterns can show up again in our own homes.
Body-neutral language focuses on function, feelings, and care.
Instead of saying:
❌ “I hate my flabby arms.”
❌ “You are putting on some weight.”
❌ “She lost weight. She looks amazing.”
Try saying:
✅ “My body helped me get through a busy day.”
✅ “Bodies grow and change. That is normal.”
✅ “I appreciate how strong my legs feel when I hike.”
This shifts the conversation from appearance to appreciation.
What I See in My Work With Families
I often see these patterns show up in everyday parenting, even with the best intentions.
Parents talk about how their weight changed over the year or how holiday eating means they now need to “get back on track” and go to the gym to lose those five pounds. I hear parents worry out loud that their child is eating too many carbohydrates at a meal. I see children being required to finish vegetables so they can “earn” dessert.
These messages come from love and concern. Parents want their children to be healthy. But children often hear something different:
Bodies must be controlled.
Food must be justified.
Worth is tied to size.
For our children’s sake, we can begin to change that story. When we respond with respect, curiosity, and care, children feel safer in their bodies instead of constantly judged by them.
What Our Reactions to the Scale Teach Children About Body Image
Children notice how adults respond to the scale. When they see celebration after a lower number or disappointment after a higher one, they learn that the number matters. Sometimes they learn it matters more than comfort, energy, rest, or well-being.
Over time, children may begin to believe that bodies must always be monitored and measured, and that success or failure shows up in a single number on the scale.
You can gently shift this message by reflecting on your own reasons for weighing yourself. Ask yourself:
What does weighing myself do to my relationship with food and my body?
Do I notice I have a “bad day” if the number goes up?
Do I truly need the scale, or can clothing fit and body cues guide me instead?
If helpful, place the scale somewhere less visible, and use it sparingly if at all.
When the Scale Changes How We Eat
For many adults, weighing themselves does not simply provide information. It changes behavior.
Parents sometimes say things like:
“I need to more salads tomorrow.”
“No more carbs after this weigh-in.”
“I have to exercise more or restrict my portions today to make up for what I ate this weekend.”
When children see this pattern, they learn that food is something to control after a “bad” number. They learn that restriction, not self-care, is the response to body worry.
Teens notice this especially. They watch skipped meals, compensatory exercise, and guilt after eating. Many begin to copy these patterns, not because they want health, but because they believe acceptance depends on body size.
A different message sounds like:
“My body feels best when I have regular meals.”
“I want to treat my body kindly.”
“Food gives me energy to do the activities I love.”
This models a relationship built on respect instead of punishment.
Teaching Kids That Bodies Come in All Shapes and Sizes
Children notice differences long before they know what to do with them. They see taller bodies, softer bodies, leaner bodies, different skin colors, curly hair, or straight hair. Without guidance, they may assign value to these differences.
You can normalize diversity by saying:
“Bodies are meant to be different.”
“Everyone grows at their own pace.”
“You do not have to be like anyone else to matter.”
When media portrays only one body type, talk about it together. Help kids understand that unrealistic standards create harm, not safety.
Social Media and Unrealistic Body Standards
Social media adds another layer. Many of the images children and teens see online are filtered, edited, staged, or selected from dozens of attempts. They often show only one narrow version of what a body “should” look like. Most real bodies do not look like that. Repeated exposure can make those images feel normal and expected.
It can help to talk about this openly:
“A lot of what we see online is edited or staged. Real bodies come in many shapes and sizes.”
Encourage kids and teens to notice how they feel after scrolling. If certain accounts leave them feeling worse about their body, that feeling matters.
You might say:
“If a page makes you feel bad about yourself, it may be worth unfollowing. Your social media feed should include voices that show and respect all kinds of bodies.”
Being intentional about who we follow online is not about pretending unrealistic images do not exist. It is about protecting mental health and making space for content that reflects diversity, kindness, and authenticity.
Appreciating What Our Bodies Allow Us to Do
Body appreciation deepens body trust. Invite children to notice what their bodies make possible.
You might say:
“Your legs helped you go fast in soccer.”
“Your hands helped you create.”
“Your lungs worked hard while you were swimming.”
Model it yourself:
“My body needed rest, and I listened.”
“My arms helped me carry groceries.”
“I love that my body allows me to do a spin class which brings joy and helps me mountain biking for longer.”
Recognition grows into gratitude.
Body Appreciation Practices for Families
Small daily habits can help children relate to their bodies with care.
1. One thing my body did today
At dinner or bedtime, share one thing your body helped you do.
2. Choose comfort first
Talk about clothing in terms of comfort and freedom to move, not size.
3. Move for joy
Explore movement that feels fun or calming rather than focused on changing bodies.
4. Notice media messages
Name unrealistic portrayals when you see them together.
5. Weekly gratitude
Share three things you appreciate about your body.
Helping Kids Push Back Against Harmful Body Talk
Eventually, children will encounter teasing, comparison, or comments about bodies. Practicing simple responses gives them confidence.
“I don’t talk about bodies like that.”
“We cannot tell someone’s health by looking at them.”
“Everyone’s body deserves care and respect.”
Role-playing these moments helps body trust grow.
How Parents Can Support Kids When They Struggle
It is normal for children and teens to feel uncertain about their bodies at times. Puberty, growth spurts, sports, and friendships all influence how they feel.
When they share, listen first.
You might say:
“I am glad you told me. This feels hard right now.”
“Your body is changing, and that can feel strange. Tell me more about that.”
Stay connected. Stay curious. And seek professional support if body worries begin to affect mood, self-esteem, or daily life.
A Final Thought
Our bodies carry us through our lives. They let us think, learn, laugh, rest, move, connect, and heal. When parents practice appreciation, respect, and gentle care toward their own bodies, children learn to treat their bodies the same way.
Body neutrality is about creating homes where bodies are welcomed, supported, and spoken about with compassion. That foundation helps children develop confidence, resilience, and a healthier relationship with themselves for years to come.
If your family is struggling with food pressure or body image worries, you can learn more about my nutrition counselling services here.